Want to feel happier?

….its easy, just learn to say NO!

NO is such a small word, yet when used correctly has maximum impact and packs a powerful punch.   Powerful as this simple word may be, when it comes to actually saying it, we can find ourselves rendered into stuttering wrecks.   It can drive fear into the heart of even the strongest man/woman.    Why?  Well I guess because saying “NO” feels like your letting someone down, it is tinged with a feeling of guilt that you are hurting someones feelings.  It’s a word that seems so final, not a maybe, most definitely not a yes….a most definite, not to be swayed under any circumstances “NO”.  So if its such a powerful word why don’t we use it more?

Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying YES too quickly and not saying NO soon enough ~ Josh Billings

I am guilty of spending a lot of time, skirting around what I actually want to say because ultimately I don’t want to feel that I am hurting or disappointing people….I should however take heed of the advice of my earlier blog ‘Is it really so important to be liked’.   The bottom line is I don’t want to upset people or cause offence but at what cost?….well usually my own happiness.   I guess sometimes you really need to be a little selfish, that’s of course if worrying about your own happiness means your selfish…I guess there is another blog in there somewhere….but anyway I deviate, sometimes you really need to stop and think, what is more important?  Others happiness or mine?….and sometimes, just sometimes it’s not a bad thing to have your own happiness tipping the balance of the scales in your favour.   After all ultimately we are all responsible for our own happiness and if we keep giving away control of this at the expense of others needs where does that leave us?  Well I guess the only answer is unhappy.

By saying YES when you need to say NO you cripple the most important relationship in your life:  the relationship between YOU and YOU ~ Nea Joy

So when you are next asked to do something you really dont want to do try very hard to gather up the strength to say what you really mean.  Take a deep breath and let the word “NO” pass your lips.  Dont fall into the trap of trying to let people down gently be answering with a “well, im not sure”….or….”I might be doing something else”….this is a rookie mistake and leaves the door open for persuasion and the ultimate breakdown of resilience wherein you finally succumb to saying YES.   Is that such a bad thing?  Well no I guess it’s not, at least not for person you are saying yes to….they go away happy because they have what they want.  But what about YOU?

Maybe not straight away but later in the day after being brave enough to say NO you will feel all the better for it simply because you have taken back control.  You are doing what YOU want to do as opposed to people pleasing.   In the words of Abraham Lincoln “You can please some of the people all the time, you can please all the people some of the time, but you can’t please all the people all the time”.   So stop tying yourself in knots trying. 

I will leave you with the words of Mahatma Gandhi.

A ‘NO’ uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a ‘YES’ merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble ~ Mahatma Gandhi.

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